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National Trust. Premium Articles. Subscription offers. Subscription sign in. Though I came to spend much time cooking in the kitchen — more, possibly than Mrs H — it remains her bailiwick.

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Never having been taught the essential rules of the kitchen, such as tidying up and putting the right thing in the right place, I came in for a certain amount of brusque character analysis. Recently, when I foolishly asked Mrs H to refresh my mind concerning my shortcomings in this milieu, it prompted a Niagara-like flow that proved hard to turn off. Whatever they do, men always create a vast amount of washing-up, but they never think of washing up as they go along. Men are reluctant to follow recipes in the same way that they are reluctant to ask for directions when they are lost.

Men plunge into cooking without sorting out the ingredients and utensils they will need. When things are found for them, they never put them away.

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Men tend to over-season. They think that if a little is good then a lot will be even better. This particularly applies to salt and Tabasco. Men disappear if they have to do some work, but they are quite handy for reaching things from high shelves. Men are not keen on washing burnt pans. This is simply not true.


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  • Naturkosmetik selbst gemacht: einfach – schnell zur Schönheit! (German Edition)!
  • Men always want to pinch a bit of a dish that is in the process of being made. They are very keen on eating between meals. Following these lacerating comments, it struck me that Mrs H might appreciate a few words of mild correction. Women are very keen on vegetables, even when old and fibrous. They have an inexplicable fondness for purple-sprouting broccoli that is too woody to eat.

    Love Bites: Marital Skirmishes in the Kitchen - Christopher Hirst - E-book

    Women take a lot of luring into eating oysters. When you finally manage to do this, they can often be sick and look at you reproachfully. Women are very difficult to get out of kitchen shops.

    Their favourite reading tends to be the Lakeland catalogue. They spend money like water in such places. Women always remember to put on a pinny when cooking. Despite the consequent stains and splotches on my clothes, I would never wear such an emasculating garment. Women are obsessed with cleanliness to the extent that it imperils our natural resistance to bugs and germs. When clearing cupboards, women have a tendency to chuck out perfectly good foodstuffs that are only a year or two past their sell-by date.

    Women are very willing to eat lobsters and most forms of fish, but show a marked reluctance to kill, gut or scale these creatures. Women constantly complain that they have not received an equal share of food. They are particularly assiduous in checking the level in their wine glass. So why did we decide to test our relationship further by cooking the stuff in this book? Lots of food books will give you the recipes, but this one tells you what it was like to make these dishes, and where irritations and cock-ups occurred. We tried a variety of methods and recipes for items ranging from pasta to raspberry jam, pizza to pancakes.

    There are, however, some exceptions. Rocket science is a doddle by comparison. I would never have dreamed of making the damn thing if the features editor of a newspaper had not com missioned me to do so. Mrs H would say the same about geoduck clams and similar maritime oddities I treated her to in Chapter Most chapters involve the tutorage of Mrs H.

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    I suppose I could have gone to other authorities for instruction but this would have caused problems. After four years of learning woodwork at school, my sole production was a test-tube rack with three wonky holes. Having lived with me for twenty-odd years, Mrs H was able to put up with this minor foible. Even so, several dishes were seasoned with salty language and peppery outbursts.